Being a step mum is tough
I don’t talk about Big L very much on my blog. Maybe it’s out of respect for his mum. Or perhaps I don’t often know how to put it into words. I find it a real emotional rollercoaster if I am honest.
I think it stems from not being very maternal. Before I had Little L, before I even met The L’s Papa, I wasn’t particularly great with kids. It’s not that I didn’t like being around them. I just didn’t know how to interact with them. Or to put it better, it didn’t come natural to me.
So when I met my future husband I had a decision to make. Because Big L was part of the package. I either settled down for a future with him, or risk losing my happily ever after. I of course chose to be with The L’s Papa which meant I became a step mum overnight.
I am incredibly lucky that Big L was accommodating and warm towards me. I have read countless experiences of it being anything but that. However it doesn’t make the whole role any easier at all.
Being a step mum can be very conflicting on the emotions. You can sometimes feel you walk on egg shells. Scared to show too much love for fear of treading on someone’s toes. Scared to show too little for fear of looking like you don’t care. There is a real fine line.
For us, every other weekend our normal life is disrupted. And I actually hate using that word but I can’t find something that suits. Disrupted describes something that you don’t necessarily want which of course is far from what we feel. We want Big L to be with us. As much as possible. Whenever possible. But it’s true for 12 days we have lived a life and routine and then for 2 days and nights we live another.
It throws me out of sync. I become very overly emotional. Perhaps I shouldn’t. Because really it’s The L’s Papa that gets the most effected by it all.
No one really talks about how it feels on this side of the fence. I always tend to read it from the mother’s perspective. Sending their child to their Fathers. How it makes them feel. But for us. We say good bye to a piece of our family for 12 days. We are only ever complete for 4 days and 4 nights.
It’s so overwhelming being a step mum. You play so many roles and you don’t know which one you will be from one day to the next. You are an audience, you are an understudy. you sometimes can be leading the lady. But you must, at all times, be that person to the best of your ability.
I don’t think anyone chooses to be a step mum. But the one thing I would want to make clear from all that I have said. However confusing or conflicting it may be. For every time you can feel a little rejection, or you worry endlessly about how you have been. For every special moment you get. Because it really is special. It is an absolute honor to be part of that child’s life.
We may only be complete for 4 days and 4 nights of the month. But those four days are so precious. And I wouldn’t trade them for the world.