Last night I lay awake in bed. My mind was working overtime and I really couldn’t settle into sleep. L was waking up every half hour and I just really didn’t see the point in falling asleep only to be woken by sounds of the word “mama” being screamed from the room across the landing. As much as I love hearing him say it, there is a time and place and 3am isn’t one of them.
I lay awake wondering what to do about L’s sleep. I have been trying sleep training, which sometimes works and sometimes I just get overcome with emotion that I just go and scoop him up and give him a big kiss. Undoing any progress that I have made. I wondered whether he was eating enough, whether I needed to include more finger foods, why he doesn’t really like drinking water or juice, how could I help this? All these questions on how to handle and what to do with baby L and I whispered a little wish to myself. I wish that Baby L came with instructions. Some sort of guideline. I know theres books and advice online but every baby is different. Why can’t we just give birth to a manual as well as the baby? Why doesn’t that happen?
If I had instructions, I would know exactly what today was all about. Exactly what L needs at this moment in time. An idea on how to handle his sleeping problems at night. Some inspiration on the type of food he would like, how to encourage him to drink juice and water. Instructions would really help me out. We get instructions for lots of things in life. I am one of those people who reads the manual before trying something out. Making sure I know exactly what to get out of the item or appliance. But with a baby, its all instinct, its all about knowing your baby. Your own baby. This is where I panic.
I’m in charge of this little one. His daily life at the moment requires my attention. To feed him, bathe him, love him, clothe him. This little lad looks up at me hoping that I know exactly what to do for him at that precise moment. But what happens when I offer him a drink and he just wants a cuddle. Change his nappy when he actually wants a nap. Without instructions how do I really know what I am suppose to do.
As you can imagine it was a hefty thought process for the early hours of the morning. Instinct. It has a lot to answer for. Sometimes I feel like my “instincts” button is switched off in my head. Sometimes I feel like I know exactly what I am doing. It’s a roller coaster ride of emotions. Fears and anxieties. Hopes and dreams. But above all. I’m nearly 12 months into the “mummy” job and I still feel like I’m learning the ropes. Maybe we feel like that throughout our children’s lives. Who knows? But in this day an age surely instructions aren’t completely too much to ask for, what with evolution and all that?
It’s like that SMA advert states. You know the one. If you’re anything like me you well up just listening to the words. If you haven’t seen it I urge you to get on youtube and watch it. The “take it from us, you’re doing great” Always feel like I can give myself a cheeky thumbs up when I hear it.
You don’t need to sit a test, you have got the job. The biggest job of your life. I may wish that I had instructions, but “winging it” hasn’t caused any problems just yet. Yet being the main word.
Thanks for reading
The L’s Mum