I have been a little quiet on the blog of late and that is because I have been busy trying to get Little L settled into nursery. He officially started on the 3rd of september but we have had to have a few settling in sessions to get us to a point where he would be left on his own.
I wrote recently about how guilty the whole thing has made me feel and it isn’t getting any easier.
However I have to remember the reasons why we have decided to do this in the first place. I thought I would explain in a lot more detail the reasoning behind this decision.
I am a stay at home mum. I write my blog which has progressed in the last 6 months to be much more than just a hobby of mine and so I have become a more work from home parent. Mostly I play mum, using nap times and evenings to work but the time I have is becoming increasingly less and less due to the demands of a toddler.
We also don’t have the support of family to help out with childcare so Little L is either with me or his Papa every minute of everyday. Earlier this year when my parents came to stay from Australia it was evident that he had become very clingy with us, he didn’t want to be away from me at any time and struggled to be held or cuddled by other people including his Grandma and Grandad. It was heart-breaking to witness how upset he got and how upset other people were by it as well.
I knew I needed to think about what was best for my little boy and since April we have been attending many play groups and toddler sessions to try and socialise him a little more. Since then he has really changed and many people have commented on how different he is. I felt really proud of him, and myself for making things much easier for him, but I knew he needed to have some independence away from me and his papa and so nursery seemed to be our only option.
He is going to learn so much there, and most importantly he is going to gain some independence. School isn’t very far away and judging by how quick time has gone since he was a tiny newborn in my arms the time is just going to fly by, and so I wanted to make things as easy as I can for when that time arises.
I want school to be a place that he is excited about going to, I want him to enjoy himself and I definitely do not want him to feel upset or hurt because his mummy isn’t there to hold his hand.
For now he will be attending for two mornings a week. I have to say that I am feeling very bitter-sweet about the whole thing. My right arm feels like it has been removed, I feel very lonely in the empty house because it just feels eerily quiet, but then on the other hand I never have any time to myself and those few mornings a week are going to allow me to claw a little bit of me back. And I’m so excited for that.
I am a mum, but I am also my own individual person as well. It’s time to put my dreams into action, and gain some clarity.
Nursery is going to be amazing for Little L (I hope) but it’s equally going to be good for this mum to get back to some normality.
Do you send your little ones to nursery? Do you feel guilty because you are a stay at home mum?
Thanks for reading
The L’s Mum